Lost Dreams

Lost Dreams

This drawing is one of my most personal drawings and one of the drawings I have been the most dedicated to. It’s one of these drawings I didn’t want to complete because it was too hard. I created the main part January 2007, which was just after I lost my old home, due to the landlord taking advantage of me. I didn’t only lose my home, I lost a big part of my life which was attached to the place. I always used to run around the lake which was just 10 steps away from my apartment. It was a place filled with freedom and inspiration. I would always go there to clear my head and get my frustrations out, which indeed was the keyword to my year of 2006 - frustration. There were so many changes. I found something beautiful and lost it again. I had never felt so much hurt in many years. In December things seemed to brightening up for me as I got my big crush and love near me and everything seemed to go so well. Then came the 28nd of December where I opened that horrible letter finding out I no longer had a home, as the landlord had used the monthly rent on everything else but the rent. The heartbreaking part was the fact that I wanted to ask my boyfriend to stay with me till he found a place near me, so we could be together, as he lived so far away at the time. It should have been what would bring us together, instead it set us apart.
Suddenly I had no choice but to move back to my parents temporarily, far away from the place I felt at home, far away from my friends, my love, everything just fell apart. I was pushed back to this place from my childhood where I had nothing I liked apart from my family. It’s probably the hardest time of my life, it was when I lost my dreams and gave up. (I did get it my hope back eventually but these months was really hard)

This is what this drawing stands for, lost dreams, lost faith. Being isolated, alone, feeling dark, and putting up a strong face, covering up a broken and ripped inside. Everything turned black for me and I felt so incredible lost. You can have all you wish for and then it falls apart in a second. The girl in the drawing is me, a symbolic dark version of me, based on one of my own photos. I wanted her face and body posture to symbolise this exact feeling and when I look at her I see that time of my life. But it doesn’t make me sad it makes me feel stronger, as with every hard time you have to go through. You always get a bit stronger, though sometime you loose hope, but only for a 'moment'.

The whole drawing took a tremendous amount of time. The background satin alone took me around 20 hours I think. The floor had to be black and white squared because I love these kinds of floors and to me they represent something never-ending and a bit confusing.

The drawing is dedicated to my love , because with him I lost and found my dream.

I also want to say a big thank you to everyone who helped me out emotionally and financially back when I lost my home, what you did was beautiful ♥

Made with Faber Castell Polychromes colour pencils on light grainy cartridge paper.
(30x40cm | 12x16")

Prints available here: [link]